100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. Trust us; we have plenty of those, too. (Hang up. What did one panicking sailor say to the other? Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can of dehydrated water (in fact, the sergeant just wanted an empty water can). Dear Soldier, If youre having a rough day, remember the most important thing in life is to be yourself. As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. "As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position", 18. Since it was a formal affair at a country club, I went in my officers dress blue uniform. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of a toilet. Me: Hello? Military Jokes March to the beat of your own drum with these military jokes. Each branch has its own traditional jokes that have caused a lot of laughing for many years. 8. You can always leave the joke in a funny mug, or a pilot mug if the person is into aviation. My friend has a really toxic relationship with Navy vessels. Learn from the mistakes of others. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. The dog is there to bite the pilot if the man so much . 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. A tank ran over a bag of popcorn and apparently, two kernels were killed! The soldier immediately sat down and began digging through his rucksack. After a very heavy landing in Halifax, the Flight Attendant announced; Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. We recommend our users to update the browser. Unless you can be Batman. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. Put your hand up if youre the laziest., 24 men raised their hands, so the senior chief turns to the last man and says, Why didnt you raise your hand, sailor?, The sailor replies, It was too much trouble, senior chief.. Civilian CASUAL TEES are not acceptable. No one knows their way around sarcasm more than our U.S. troops. with someone braver than you.'. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. A Soldier and a Marine were sitting next to each other on a plane. If at least ONE military joke below doesnt make you giggle, well, wed be concerned. The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot". When finally open guaranteed to spill everywhere, 60. Unless you pull the stick too far back, then they get bigger again very quickly". 4th of July 2022: Celebrating the Birth of Our Nation & Its Heroes, Military Appreciation Month 2022: Saluting Those Who Serve, Veterans Day 2022: Celebrating Those Whove Served. For more information about us or joining the team, check out the About Us tab. S | Almost replaced left inside main tire. The INFANTry! She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives! My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. She also liked her scotch. The local band hired to greet them was playing a popular hit of the time, I Wonder Whos Kissing Her Now.. It Bad Jokes That You Cant Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. At least SEVEN Cs! ", "Sir" she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now". Sure!With that, he revved up the razor, clipped off my sideburns, and gave them to me. The fighter jet stops whining once the engines are cut off. 13. Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: Pilots 5. Even those who work in relation to the military, such as the Department of Defense, or know someone that has served, are bound to find a few of these hilarious. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. What do pilots and air traffic controllers have in common? He had the same plane as yours. Max Stanley (Test Pilot) The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world It can just barely kill you, 31. How tough? The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Do not attempt to shave with fire. We are currently looking for former Marines to join the team who are interested in writing about tactical gear, survival gear, hiking supplies, etc. Grandpapa Johns Pizza. P | Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
Military jokes - Pinterest When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. Then one day I couldnt find it. and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! The Best Short Military Jokes 1. Airline Club Lounge Paradise like kingdom guarded by dragon-like creatures, 59. Reply: No, I say again. ", The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. MARCH! ! Again, no reply. But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. As A.J. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Aunt Mary is an F-16 pilot A fifth-grade teacher told her students "I'd like for one of you to tell the class a story with a moral", so little Suzy raised her hand. The Marine took off his boots and began to stretch out. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. When our drill instructor demanded an explanation, the man bellowed, This recruit has proved himself worthless and weak and is being mailed home to his mother!. you cant do both. 40. Anecdotes 2. Aircraft Carriers Airshows Aviation History Aviation Humor Books Civil Aviation Cold War Era Drones F-14 Tomcat Helicopters Losses/Aviation Safety MiG Killers Military Aviation Space SR-71 Blackbird SR-71 Top Speed U.S. Navy Warbirds Weapons Yearly Summary. Large mahogany desk..
Here's an SR-71 Story That'll Make You Laugh - Popular Mechanics What do you call a group of kids who enlists in the military? My granddaughters husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. When Is Military Appreciation Month? 10. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone? 'Never fly in the same cockpit. Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. Good news and bad news, my instructor said. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. Full Disclosure Here. It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised, 26. Two hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. SUB sandwiches! Everyone seemed OK with this order except for one confused recruit. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. A LOOtenant! Katees passion for writing and fascination for language has forever guided her path in life. February 24, 2023 Two B-52s Fly Over Tallinn For Estonia Independence Day Military Aviation February 23, 2023 F-35C . Why? I asked. !An angry voice finally replied, My name aint George!. Individual use is by implied consent. While waiting every one will come by multiple times except yours, 62.
The Best Aviation Jokes - Ridge Landing Airpark The program was halted when, after years of research and millions of dollars spent, the spy cat was run over by a cab. It is always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. When they come home, they get to leave their inlaws thousands of miles away. The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?, Without hesitating the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth! There are so many funny military jokes and jabs out there so it took me a while to compile a list of only the best. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. Warren and Joy agreed and up they went. Return to Humor Index. I would stay behind and neatly print each soldiers name onto his Army-issued underwear. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the ground.. He holds the bulb and then the world revolves around him to screw it in. 42. All of a sudden, a lieutenant pulls up, hops out, and asks Is your car stuck sir?, The general climbs out, hands his keys over, and slides into the lieutenants car before saying, Nope. She's been working as a writer, editor, QA specialist, and SEO professional for more than four years. She approached one of the women for an explanation: What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles? Land mines, replied the Kuwaiti woman. When the plane was descending for the landing, the Marine put his boots back on and quickly realized the Soldier had been spitting in his boots. Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. 13:30 comes and goes. Dear Veterans, You rock more than AC/DC or Metallica or Red Hot Chili Peppers. The Air Force will take out a five-year lease with an option to buy at the end. Are you sure you followed the recipe?. See, Connor? he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. A Military lab has developed a pizza that boasts a shelf life of three years without being frozen, and now the Week has asked its readers to name this durable dish. Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard. A military private saying I learned this in boot camp Marine: Wait, stop. Caller: Do you have his right number? I am the PMC at a Dinner Night next week, where apart from my Boss and myself the rest of the guests are Army (from an array of cap badges). WARNING: Tons of dad jokes lie ahead. I instantly knew I was in the right outfit when I looked around. 100 Hilarious Airplane Jokes That Are Surely to Take Off Unless you're a pilot, an aeronautical engineer, a hang-around traveler, or simply someone who enjoys aviation, airplane jokes are surely right up your alley. Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. When the general asked, Which outfit are you in? the Marine replied, Dress blues, sir, with medals!. A military captain saying I was just thinking We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. Oh, youre a troop who survived pepper spray AND mustard gas? I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 bomber that had one engine shut down. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. !" Marine: "Wait, stop. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. The soldier remarked, How long was I in there for?. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. Why doesnt the Army team have ice on the sidelines during football games? As the soldiers disembarked, they started to jeer and boo. So he recruited 4 of the best he could find. During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. Attention! The sailor calls out and says, In boot camp, they taught us to wash our hands after taking a leak. The Marine replies, In our boot camp, they teach us not to piss on our hands.. Tower "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7", Eastern 702 "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure by the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway", Tower "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7; did you copy the report from Eastern? Aircraft Engineers 1. Pizza de Resistance 2. A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. Why, certainly, young man, he said, as he reached under his desk and handed me a large pair of bolt cutters. Discover a funny military joke about the U.S. Army with this list.
Top 18 Funny Military Jokes To Share With All Your Military Friends At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. Minimum Connecting Time Time it takes an Olympic Gold Medal sprinter to run between two gates, 61. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Mother, As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. Looking for military boot camp jokes?
Military Jokes Military Humor - Strategypage.com Soldier: WTF, you had air conditioners? What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? Airspeed, altitude, and brains: Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.. Pilot "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Air Traffic Control 6. Its where we park the helicopters.. 1. As soon as we have sorted out Kosovo, Bosnia, Macedonia, Serbia, Iraq, Northern Ireland, Sierra Leone, The Congo, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory health and safety at work training, we will return your call. What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? He nodded. 'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant. On landing, the Stewardess said, Please be sure to take all of your belongings. Yes, said the lieutenant. One day, I was told As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. Filed Under: Lifestyle, Veteran Life Tagged With: funny, humor, jokes, military jokes. But 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. ", Warren always replied, "I know Joy, but that helicopter ride is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", One year Warren and Joy went to the Show, and Joy said, "Warren, I'm 85 years old. [Answered]. You would think that being a submarine captain would pay well, but Ive heard that they cant keep their heads above water. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. Whats the main mission of the Marine Corps? A visitor, returning to Kuwait for the first time since the Gulf War, was impressed by a sociological change. Rather than move, he called the bridge: Hey, he said, can you shift the ship 15 degrees? R-i-i-ing!) No copyright required, as all content is freely available on 1,000s of websites. Did you hear about the big accident on base?
Military Jokes Military Humor - Military News Humor Photos Tell these quips to a friend in the service to give them a good chuckle. More information More like this His reply was quick and to the point: You didnt.. March forth! Aircraft Pilot "Radar, we're a flight of two A10s, currently overhead and, er, we've forgotten our callsign", Radar Controller: "No problem, we'll allocate temporary ones: adopt callsign Stupid One and Stupid Two". Dedicated To All Who Flew Behind Round Engines. Navy and CG Say HOOOOOYAH! Our motto was We never retreat, we just backspace.. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the lights to return to the airport, 52. Why arent there any insects in an Army base? 2. 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition), How to Unregister a Gun in your Name? The next day, I received a letter addressed to Sgt. Without a letter from public affairs, well have to take your camera. I did the only thing I could do: I pulled a notepad and pen from my bag and wrote a letter giving myself permission to take photos. This site contains affiliate links. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. Their one extravagance: a bare light bulb theyd hung from the ceiling. One guy was reading a newspaper article from back home about a congressional investigation into why some troops were living in relative luxury. Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ..I Shall Fear No Evil. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85.
'I could see the bones in my hands.' F-84 pilot tells the story of when Between all the service branches there is a friendly rivalry that will always create jokes among the various branches. As an Amazon Associate, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. The Lasting Supper The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. (Hang up. I served in Japan, said Uncle Sid. The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around the drone but not hitting it. Some are jokes that only the U.S. Air Force can understand while others are jokes made about those who are USAF members. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out the military humor in the most serious sergeants. They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. He says, Anyway, enough about me. Now, lets try it again! A Recruiter Misled You. 38. This website is not affiliated with the United States Marine Corps, and the information on this website does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Marine Corps as a whole. How do you know when your date with a fighter pilot is halfway over? The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. What do you call a Marine that has an IQ of 160? A senior chief prompted his 25 sailors by saying, I have an easy job for the laziest man here. I thought I was on top of my game that day, Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. Thats my wifes breast pump.. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. Kassidy Barber is the Assistant Editor for VeteranLife.com and MyBaseGuide.com. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. Theyre U.S. AF! Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. He snapped off a salute and responded, I dont know, sir! Turning to the sergeant, he asked, Gunnery, where is my foxhole? There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. Reply: This is a lighthouse your call.. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we landit's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern". 7. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a microphone in a cat so the furry feline could spy on unsuspecting targets. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. Hence, the Army will post guards in specific vulnerable areas. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out. [Easy] How to Clean Rust off of a Gun Without Damaging it? Eternal Piece "Ah", the fighter pilot remarked "The dreaded Seven-Engine approach", 12. (pointing at the sky). He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. Civilian casual tees are absolutely unacceptable. I never knew you had such a weak stomach, I said. The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. Ocean Pearl, I answered. 9. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal, 22. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. A lot of the jokes on this list I heard while I was in the Marines, but I want to give credit to our friends at ralleypoint.com and unijokes.com. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. DeFrigNo! 30. For example, heres what happens when each of them is told to secure a building. aviation JOKES (random) Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. From the pilot during his welcome message: We are pleased to announce that we have some of the best Flight Attendants in the aviation industry. Cabin Attendant Two-legged mobile device for extracting cash from a captive audience, 56. Home; Jokes; Pictures; Videos; GIFs; Runway 37 Comics; Weird Wings; Today I Learned; Quizzes; Jokes. Whats the difference between God and a fighter pilot? The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire, 47. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment. Officer: Soldier. "Last one off the plane has to clean it", 25. Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the A friend paid my mother a visit. What would you do if you came upon an injured man with a steering wheel embedded in his chest? Nervous and unsure, I blurted out, Drive him to the hospital? For some reason, the rest of the room found this hilarious. The military refers to a collection of all the armed forces of a particular country.. One stated they would love to work on a submarine. I thought I was on top of my game that day, but he was quite scrupulous, as evidenced by the fact that his written evaluation of me cited this issue: Instructor loses eye contact with class while writing on blackboard.. Members of the U.S. Navy are known to be a pretty sarcastic bunch. Major countries like the USA, India, Russia, and China have the . One day, at an event honoring veterans, a young man asked where they had been stationed. If a baby joined the Army, where would they belong? My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. Why did the optometrist set his clock to military time? I was the tallest guy in line. Everything from puns to some sarcastic one-liners are included in the Army jokes below to crack on an Army member you know and love. He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. Airmens mess, sir.. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Waxing his plane A pilot got up bright and early, and told his wife he was going to wash and wax his plane. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Where are you from? St.
A military aircraft had gear problems on landing, and as the plane was skidding down the tarmac the tower controller asked if they needed assistance. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. Soldier: Sure, buddy. Why do members of the military often marry lovers from the foreign countries they were deployed in? A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am" he said, "Do all these children and this luggage belong to you? USMC: OHH! It was always selling out, and I could never keep it in stock. These military jokes about the United States Air Force are a mixed bag. Hazing the new guy, he said with a grin. How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. But something struck me as odd. Share yours with us on our socials Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! They know how to take up space. During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. There was bound to be trouble, and I was right, because suddenly, he fell silenteyebrows arched, brain overloaded.
Germany's military 'Zeitenwende' is off to a slow start You might be a Coastie if you forget how to color coordinate normal civilian clothes after weeks of wearing only blue. "They're all mine. Fish Food. You divertyour course! So, instead, they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine. Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. Nothing, she said. Killed bin Laden. "Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees", "But Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. They bagged six. The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . What has a nose and flies, but can't smell? My friend kept asking what my military rank was, but I kept telling him its Private. A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two Kernals, As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, All right! One day, I was told to report to my commanding officer, who ordered me to escort Ms. Raye.
Military Aviation - Technology: Where it Started and Where it's Going While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then opened the floor to questions. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. (Sign over the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan). What happened Sergeant? It does look like its been fished out from the bottom of the sea.. What would As A.J. Reliable sources report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. Me: Sorry, you have the wrong number. You can see why: And )second As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. 54. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside!